Porcupine Diaries Part 1 – The First Prick

Welcome to Porcupine Diaries, where I share a few thoughts on how to navigate the first few years of marriage with God’s help! Enjoy the read! 

The year is 2015. The newly married couple, just back from their honeymoon, decide to set out for the nearest city to pick up some of their larger wedding gifts with the help of a friend. He suggests that she stays at home, as it will be a long day. She doesn’t want to stay at home, because their new home is in a town she is not used to. She insists on going along. “Bummer,” he says to himself, “there goes a day of fun with my guy friend, just like old times.” Meanwhile, she asks herself why he doesn’t understand how much she wants to go, and why he wants to leave her behind all alone yet they are married and can finally spend most of their time together! Let’s just say the couple had a long day, and their friend had an even longer day!

That was the first prick. Remember, this couple had just come back from a blissful honeymoon where all they were doing was looking into each other’s eyes, bonding, and resting. Now they were back in the real world where they had to begin a new life together. Each one had their expectations of how this would go and secretly hoped that they could hold onto a little bit of the lives they had led as singles.

Let me explain what the first prick really means. Imagine that these newlyweds are two porcupines who really love each other. Every time they want to get close to one another, though, they prick each other with their spines. Can you imagine hugging someone and then getting pricked? That’s what would happen if we were porcupines! Interestingly, however, as the marriage relationship grows, these two porcupines will have to get close enough to hug without poking each other. One by one, their spines will lose their sharpness and instead become a soft landing for every embrace.

So how do we handle the first prick?

Remember why you got married in the first place

Why did you get married? What led you to this person? Why did you choose to make the commitment to live with this person before God and men? If you look back to that moment when you decided that this was the person you wanted to spend your life with, you will realize that a little prick is not enough reason to go back on that commitment. Take each prick from your beloved gracefully, understanding that each of you has to move from thinking and acting like a selfish individual, to one who acts in the best interests of the other person.

Remember your promises to each other

Before a couple starts living together, the promises they make to each other appear to be so easy to keep! Once they are in the same house, though, things change drastically! You begin to see things in your spouse that you wished you had seen before you got married, some of which you totally dislike. You also realize that some of the promises you made to each other will be harder to keep than you expect. At this point, dear friends, you will both need to sit down and have a talk, reminding yourselves of all that you had promised to do for each other, and why you made those promises. Also, don’t have these discussions when you are angry. Wait for a moment when you are both calm and ready to listen to one another.

Remember who brought you together

This is a big one. Have you ever met a couple who are happily married and thought, “How on earth did these people meet? The odds of them ever being in the same place at the same time were almost nil!” Well, as much as many of us would not want to admit this, the fact is God brings us together. He is the author of marriage, and He works things out in such a way that you meet the person that He intends for you to marry. So, friends, when your beloved decides to give you a serious poke with his or her spines, look to God for help. He knows your spouse better than you do, and He will know how to direct you to restore peace in your home. God knows us so well! He doesn’t make mistakes in relationships – we do that very well on our own. The Lord brings couples together and sustains them as long as they stick to His plan and follow His leading.

The first prick is good. It jolts us out of dreamland and into the real world. Have you just received your first prick? How was it? Are you ready to work through the issues behind this prick so that you begin to grow as a couple? Are you ready to submit to God’s direction for your marriage?