If you have followed me for a while, you will already know that autism is part of our lives. We found out about it in 2018, and since then it has been a journey of learning, unlearning, adapting, advocating, and accepting (not in that order). I have asked God many questions over the years, some of them difficult. I have cried out to Him in despair, anger, and grief, looking for answers.
Seven years later, I still have questions, but I have also learnt a lot from and about God through this journey. Let me share three lessons below.
For purposes of this article, I will refer to my child as Kiki.
WAIT.
How long will it take before Kiki learns to go to the bathroom? When will Kiki say Mommy? When will Kiki be able to go to school without me worrying about getting a phone call or an angry note in the diary about soiled clothes or tantrums?
I waited… and waited. Sometimes the answers would come quickly; other times, they would take years. But I waited anyway because I knew that God was part of Kiki’s story.
There is one prayer that was answered after two years. Another after five years. I don’t know about you, but for me, that was a long time to wait for God to act. But He did, at His perfect time.
Maybe you are waiting eagerly for something important. You have asked God over and over when this thing will happen. I will encourage you to keep waiting and trusting. God will answer you, and when He does, you will realize that His timing is perfect.
TRUST
Now this is a hard one. Imagine trusting God to intervene in situations arising from autism, and you have no idea how He will intervene because you have no clue what the solution is!!
Let me give an example. Kiki used to rock all the time, like a rocking horse. Any time he felt overwhelmed, tired, misunderstood, or bored, he would rock. He would rock in class, in church, in the car, when we would go visiting, etc. Everywhere was the perfect place to rock! I now understand that it was a coping mechanism (also called stimming), but at the time it was stressful because of the stares and the stigma. Oh, how I wanted this to end!
It lasted for years. Years! After waiting for what seemed like forever, I decided to commit Kiki into God’s hands and trust that because He created him, He would sort him out.
One day it stopped. I don’t even know exactly when it happened, but it stopped. From this, I learnt a lesson – trust in God and let Him do His thing when the time is right (there’s that word again – time).
Is there something in your life that you need God to sort out for you, something that has plagued you for years? Leave it in His hands and trust Him to handle it. He will do so.
SURRENDER
I thought trust was hard. Surrender is a totally different ball game. I define surrender as completely letting go of something and letting God have His way concerning that thing. Letting God have His way here means letting Him say yes, no, or wait. The yes is always very welcome. The no and the wait? Not my cup of tea!
But guess what – with autism, I have learnt that no and wait are also valid answers. God has said “wait” many times, we have waited, and He answers. He has also said “no”. A loud, resounding “no”. I have cried, fought, sulked, moped, etc., but the answer hasn’t changed. NO!
That is where this big word, surrender, rings true. I still follow the Lord and do what He commands me even when He says no because I know that everything He does is out of love. He is sovereign and in control of all things, but also a loving and compassionate God who wants the best for me and Kiki. I have left everything concerning autism in God’s hands. I will trust Him to work things out for Kiki’s good.
I don’t want to pretend that I am the kind of person who surrenders things to God and walks away happily. Oh no! I walk away in tears. I love to be in control. I love to know what’s happening next. But in this case, God has clearly said He is in charge and I must leave things in His able hands.
It’s hard, but I will try my best to do this.
How about you? Is there something you are still holding on to with dear life that God wants but you don’t want to give it up? Give it to Him, dear friend. Just give it to Him. It is painful to do so, but just give it to Him. He loves you and will surprise you with how He will work everything out for your good.
I will end my little autism story with one more thing.
Don’t let that thing you are trusting God for or struggling to surrender to Him stand in the way of your relationship with Him. Keep communing with Him and reading His word. Make your relationship with the Lord more important than all that is going on in and around you. Anchor the foundation of your spiritual life on Him alone, not on what He can give you or what you feel He owes you. Put God first and delight in Him and all other things will fall into their rightful place.
“Yahweh, you alone are my inheritance. You are my prize, my pleasure, and my portion. You hold my destiny and its timing in your hands.” Psalm 16:5 (TPT)